Without the stress I am....

Happy!

This week is going well :)

Whilst I have the flu, tones of uni work growing as the end of semester looms and am missing out on a family trip to New Caledonia I am also feeling great!!

With the family gone stress levels are low, the house is peaceful!! I love it!!

But the real source of peace comes from deeper within. Over the past month I have come to realise that I need to stop worrying about what other people think, I need to stop letting the actions of other people determine whether or not I am going to be happy and take control of my life back into my own hands. Realising this has relieved an enormous amount of pressure I can now be happy no matter how other people act, no matter what they do. But the best thing about it is that in stopping giving people control over my life I have been able to give God so much more control, give back to him parts of my life that always belonged to him and are only safe with him. Without the enormous stress of how to please everyone it is so much easier to worship and praise God. Church has become what it was always supposed to be again a place to worship God not a place that I am scared to walk into because I don't know who or what I might meet. I am there for one purpose only and what ever else goes on is secondary and will not reign over me.

I am so excited to be living only to follow the will of God I can't wait for Bible college and my first mission trip, I have no idea how I am going to find the money for all of this but I know that it is God's plan not mine, my plans have already failed so what do I have to loose.

I found this in my diary today I wrote it on the 3/4/09 right back at the beginning of things.

"Today I sit at uni on the library lawn, watching all the people walk by. Peoples whose lives carry on whilst mine falls apart, people going places, completing degrees whilst I sit static falling behind. All these people chatting, laughing, chilling together, I sit alone. I contemplate being only 20 years old facing depression and possibly cancer. What is it to be 20 and facing cancer and infertility?? What is this even supposed to mean to me?? What am I supposed to feel?? Tears roll down my face as strangers walk by not noticing that the world has just stopped."

Well the pain is still fresh and real but the world keeps moving on and this time i'm moving with it, this time not my way or my parents way but i'll try God's way....wherever that may take me!